How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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