I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
