i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
