It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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