i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
