Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This beer is not sobering me up at all
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
