As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
