Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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