PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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