This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
