I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
