Pappa wants mamma naked
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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