He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
