so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
