the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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