if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
