I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
