You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
