i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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