im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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