i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
