Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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