You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
