New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
