why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
