There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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