Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think your dad took our porno
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
