The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
