You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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