I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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