you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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