I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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