Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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