So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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