I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
