When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
