you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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