my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
