So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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