We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Randomize
