The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
