I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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