im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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