We're like a lot better than the average bears
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
