they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
