You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
