He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm passing your future prison.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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