Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
