You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
