Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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