You don't have asthma, your pregnant
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
