Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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