I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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