the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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