Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
