i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
