remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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