Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
