Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
