Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
