I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
